I know it's been awhile since either of us has posted.  There have been a lot of times when I thought of something I wanted to write about, but by the time I was home and could spend the time to write, I no longer had the energy to devote to ordering my thoughts.

I am battling the same monster.  Depression.

With that comes shame, that I'm STILL fighting the same thoughts and feelings.  Shame over the way the words of encouragement and "this is how you beat it" fall so easily from my lips but now they seem so stupid.  I read my words and cringe.

Last weekend I broke down to my parents.  I'm in a place where it seems like my faith isn't even a consolation anymore, and that scares me.  It scares my parents too.

I'm planning on talking to my doctor about some medication, and seeing if I can get into some counseling, but honestly my job leaves me so wrung out that all I want to do is...sit.  Not think.  Not feel.  Not plan.  Just...exist I guess.

And today of all days, one of my supports is not available to me, and it's even harder to function.

Happy Birthday to me.

I'm not even going to publicize this, but I just had to get it out somewhere.